Stop Saying This If You Want To Get Pregnant
I used to be part of ‘infertility’ or ‘trying to conceive’ groups. At first it feels good to share your story, and don’t get me wrong, I think it is important to share your pain and see that you are not alone. But after a while, after reading other stories and other people’s comments, over and over again, I felt exhausted, drained, unmotivated and simply down. I felt almost addicted to the other stories, and it wasn’t easy to leave. Even worse: when another woman shared that she was finally pregnant, I was devastated, feeling worse than ever, pretending to be happy for her. I was reliving my own pain again and again with the result that I felt constantly exhausted and down, and stressed out to the limits.
One word that pops up again and again is trying, and this is the big no-no word: ‘trying’. You have to stop saying things like:
I am trying to conceive
We are trying for a baby
We’ll try another round of IVF
It has become such common language that we don’t even think about it anymore, about its true meaning.
Make the test again: When are you using the word ‘trying’ in other areas of your life? And what thoughts and feelings come up when you use the word?
I’m trying to come to the meeting (but I don’t really want to, and I don’t think I will make it)
We are trying to save some money (but I already know it isn’t working)
I am trying to get a promotion (but I cannot see it happen this time either)
I’ll try to be on time (but I know already I won’t)
When you use ‘trying’ the big BUT is not far.
‘Trying’ always implies failure!
When you try something, you always make room for a chance of not being successful, of something being unlikely to happen. Trying also implies that you are hoping but already now taking into account that it might not work out. Your conscious mind says yes, this is what I want, this is what I should do, and deep down in your subconscious mind you are scared it won’t happen, preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. There’s no conviction in ‘trying’. Trying keeps you stuck,
Here is a powerful rule of the mind:
Your mind does what it thinks you want it to do.
Your mind and body are constantly listening to what you think, say and feel. Even more important: every thought you think and every word you speak become a blueprint that your mind and body work to meet and turn into your reality. You must act in a way that consistently matches your thinking. That’s why it is so important to watch our thoughts and words.
Close your eyes, and say: I am trying to have a baby, my eggs are old, I am infertile, I will never have a baby, I waited too long. I hope to get pregnant. I wish I could have a baby, I dream of being a mother, I am desperate to conceive.
Notice how those thoughts make you feel, and then observe yourself how you act when thinking thoughts like that. You feel down, hopeless, frustrated, to say the least. You will probably stay in, you don’t feel connected to your friends and partner, you don’t believe in your body, flooding your body with stress hormones.
That is not the message we want to communicate to ourselves and to our body. I know it can be hard after months and months of discouragement but you cannot give up. When you are saying things like ‘we have been trying to get pregnant for 16 months’ you focus on and think of what you don’t want, you focus on the time it hasn’t happened, and you are living in the past and you create the same negative feelings again and again, constantly putting your body under stress, in survival instead of conception mode.
Now turn these thought around to: I am getting pregnant, I am super fertile, I am having a baby, I am a mother-to-be, we are making a baby, I am conceiving my baby, I am preparing for pregnancy, everything happens in perfect timing, I am ovulating perfectly.
How did that feel? And what do you do as a result of those thoughts? You feel more confident and joyful, you are more outgoing, treating yourself and your body nicely.
The only choice that will make you feel better is replacing fear with faith and trust. This is a bit of a funny analogy, but it helps me illustrate my point nicely:
If you place an order on Amazon, you are expecting the book to come, you are expecting it to arrive soon, you didn’t see it leaving, but you know it is coming, it makes you happy to know it is on its way even though you don’t have a physical proof of it. But expecting something to arrive is the best feeling, the anticipation. I know that a baby is not a book, but it plants a nice picture in your head. Or when you got together with your partner you have faith in a long and loving relationship. You cannot guarantee anything, but you have trust. You cannot live each day with your partner in fear, worrying about the worst case scenario happening that the relationship might end soon. The only way to happiness is when we choose faith over fear.
So your new mantra is:
I am preparing for pregnancy
We are making a baby
We are having fun becoming parents
Now you are sending the right signals to your mind and body. Never forget how powerful the words are that you think and speak.